Pet Peeve No. 3: Forgiven People who Can't Forgive

We've all read amazing stories of folks who have forgiven others that have done outrageous things to them (My favorite is the story of the American missionary, Elizabeth Elliot, who worked among an Ecudoran tribe after they murdered her husband). Now, Mrs. Elliot later went around the world on speaking engagements with the tribesman who killed Mr. Elliot (but that may be going a bit too far!).

So, why can't we seem to forgive the lady who cut us off this morning on the freeway?... she didn't even murder anyone...she may have just been late for work, or just plain dumb for that matter.

I especially dislike religious people, who themselves claim to be "forgiven," but seem to have the worst time forgiving others. Sometimes, I feel like I've spent a good part of my life apologizing while I can count on one hand the the times that others have apologized to me. Granted, some of my apologizing may be due to a poor self image and a deep-seated need to be accepted by others...but to be apologized TO only five times...in fifty-six years?

To complicate things, it seems to me that the more doctrine or creedal-based the religious person is, the harder time they have forgiving. I used to know one such individual that would insist that I use the following formula..."I'm sorry, I was wrong, I repent, please forgive me" before she would reply "I forgive you" and NEVER if it were a repeated offense. (My opinion is that "truth" is individually defined by such people and they judge others solely by their own definition). It's like they are saying "Sorry, work for me for seven years and I might forgive you, someday, just maybe, if you're nice!" These people end up with a very tiny circle of friends (and why do they seem to attend churches that have the word "Grace" in the title?)

Hmmm. Whatever happened to the "forgive seventy times seven" thing that Jesus talked about...and the guy in that story only SAID "I repent," for the same offense, 490 times repeated?

The attitude mystifies me: God forgives each of us for a multitude of offenses and omissions every day, some confessed while most are not. Yet, we make continue to make requirements for others before we confer our holy absolution upon them.

Here's how I deal with it: I have some shelves over my desk that are filled with model train cars. One of those cars is a baggage car. When someone offends me, (I really try not to be like the guy who stuck out his big, infected first toe and dared anyone to trip over it), I write down the offense, crumble it up and put it in the baggage car...and forget it. It's a little ritual that really works. Better to have baggage in the baggage car than to be carrying it around myself. For me, it works.

And only God opens in the baggage car.

Deano